My Days

Have you ever been talking to someone and things that you have tried to push away or ignore come up along with all the emotions you had been holding onto for years?  It happened to me and while I was talking, I said I hadn’t thought about or cried about those feelings for years and didn’t know why they were coming up now.

I have learned that it is because I felt like it couldn’t be talked about almost as though it was taboo or that is just what I was told.  Those experiences taught me to hold in what I feel and not let it out, now I am learning that those feelings are ok, and they need to be acknowledged for me to let go of things that have happened to me or around me throughout my life.  This means more tears and it also means facing things that I haven’t thought about in years for me to grow.

I am trying to teach my children that it is ok to let out your emotions and to be mad or sad and talk to someone about it and I’m glad to say that they do, even my teenage daughter that is too cool for me most days opens up and talks to me.

Everyone has bumps in their road of life and no two bumps are the same, each needs to be cared for and softened in their own unique way.  Every bump has made me who I am, and I am learning to become a different version of myself every day.  I am learning the reason for my depression and anxiety, and it has given me some clarity, I have also learned the steps that I need to take for me to heal.

Right now, I am working on step one, create a routine.  Sounds simple, for me it isn’t.  Sometimes, things that other people say are not easy for me.  For example, getting out of my bed before 8:30am is not easy for me right now.  I could lay in bed all day.  So that has been added to my routine.  Another part of my routine is a workout every day, doesn’t have to be a long workout but it must be something.  Today was a walk and some yoga, and it felt amazing.  I keep reminding myself that workouts don’t have to be this long thing that I dread, but rather something that I enjoy doing.  Yesterday was a snow day where I am, and my son came on my walk, and it was nice to just talk to him as we walked around town.  Somedays, my husband joins, and I love chit chatting and walking outside and getting some beautiful fresh air.

Seems small and simple but for now that is my routine.  Somedays I do more if I am feeling up to it and that’s ok too, only reason there aren’t extras in my routine is so that if I don’t do it, I don’t feel like a failure.

If you are having trouble getting up and going, reach out to a friend and talk about it.  Create a small routine, your routine might be just 1 thing and that is a big step for some people.  I tried to fill my daily routine with too much and I couldn’t follow through, I removed things from my list and now I have more to give.  Eventually my routine will be bigger and will include going back to work, but for now this is where I am at.

Time to walk,

Chantal M.