Missing you everyday (Caution may cause tears)

A few years ago, I had talked to my Dad about wanting to learn how to hunt and he told me that if I get my Hunter’s Safety and my PAL he would take me.  That year I always said I was too busy and didn’t have time to take those courses, I was busy but I’m sure I could’ve made time. 

A couple of days before hunting season opened that year I got the call, get to the hospital Dad is on his way there and it isn’t good, I got up and without even saying anything my husband, Ray, knew he was coming with me wherever I was going.  Ray cancelled his plans, reffing hockey as always, before I even hung up the phone, he called his Dad to come babysit, and we took off.  I kept checking my phone for some sort of sign that everything would be ok, but none came.  As we approached the hospital, I knew what was waiting for me and I stopped, Ray turned around and said, “I know but we have to go in”, he grabbed my hand, we kept going. 

We got in and the news I knew was coming came, Dad was gone he had had a heart attack and was gone forever.  Hugging everyone there I cried, I couldn’t believe that he was gone.  The next few days flew by, filled with stories, tears, and lots of laughs because that is how he would’ve wanted it.  And then, life continued but with a piece of me broken and a pain that I still feel.

The following spring, I registered myself to take my Hunter’s Safety and PAL courses, I wanted to do what I had said I would do.  And after a few delays, due to Covid, I walked out of that building feeling proud that I had done it and knowing that Dad was up there smiling down at me, probably with a beer in his hand. 

Ray taught me how to load and shoot my rifle, I was so nervous taking my first shot.  I mean what if the scope breaks my glasses?  But I did it and it didn't, that year I was in the bush with my husband and his Dad as they taught me and our daughter how to hunt. 

This last fall when hunting season was getting closer, I wasn’t sure what to do, I was at one of my darkest points and I was afraid of hunting.  Hunting meant I was holding a very powerful weapon and that scared me, but I did it with my husband posted on the other side of our truck.  That first morning as I was posted in the trail and the sun came up warming my face, I felt Dad was with me and I asked him to help me, help me to get up, help me to get through the darkness, and I cried. 

After 4 years of hunting with my family I have not gotten a deer yet, but I know that someday I will and when I do, I know that my Dad will be there with me smiling and proud.

Here bucky bucky bucky,

Chantal M.